Poem #1

Today, I am fat.
It’s not anything new because I’ve been this way
As long as I can remember
And it always bothered me,
But not as much as today.
Today my bulges stick out a little further,
My stomach portrudes over my “fat shorts,”
And my jowls look chunkier,
Flapping over my almost invisible neck.
Today my breasts are saggy with age,
My butt round (in a bad way),
And my demeanor pitiful
Because today I weighed myself
For the first time in over a year.
Maybe I should’ve known how much I
Gained
When shirts fit a little tighter,
Or when they began to fit A LOT TIGHTER;
Maybe I should’ve known how much I
Gained
When my pants refused to slip
Over my jumbo thighs
Or when the leggings kept getting holes
In
The
Same
Place
(My inner thigh, of course).
Either way, what I needed
More than anything
Was to feel the opposite of pitiful.
Fierce was my middle name
A few years ago,
Back when I probably shouldn’t have had
THAT
Much confidence.
The years freely rolled on
And the rolls on my back increased,
But you made me believe I was nothing less than
Beautiful all these years,
Until now.
Right now, I feel ugly.
I’m the hideous creature lurking in the shadows,
Grasping to the skinny figure
Hiding under all my fat
And maybe that’s why I feel this way.
I want to yell,
“Hug me, damn it!
I need you so bad right now,”
But I can’t.
I need you to love me now
And tell me I’m the
Perfectly Imperfect
Love of your life
Because, darling, I’m falling apart.
I’m 10 seconds from giving up
And 20 seconds from spewing tears,
And maybe 30 seconds from
Eating a cheeseburger.
It’s not your fault I feel this way,
If anything it’s your fault for
Making me so damn happy all the time.
We happily eat meals together,
Gaining
All the happy calories and fat
Gaining
All the weight on my body now,
Gaining
The lack of courage or confidence
That I now have
Because I can no longer say no to food.
I just don’t feel happy with myself,
But I’m trying.
And I have to try because
Today, I am fat.

Some parts are true, some parts are not. Meh. Summer time again which means more writing!!!

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